What I Did Today

Today I wrote and slept.

I hated what I wrote, but enjoyed the process of writing it. I tend to feel the same way about my writing as I feel about myself. Sometimes I find it almost tolerable; usually, however, I loathe it.

Sleeping is better than writing as it brings you closer to the truth. I do not sleep nearly enough.

How To Save Polar Bears From Extinction

I'm in favour of the reintroduction of the death penalty for:

* anyone who listens to the likes of Radiohead, Take That, Coldplay, Robbie Williams, Muse or Boyzone, not simply because it's the 'done thing', but because they actually like them

* spammers

* people who whistle while walking along the street

* annoying, talentless little chancers like, but not including, Mika

* anyone who accepts a job he/she doesn't really need, and which could be done equally well by someone without a job

* the bloke who always stands next to me in record shops, sniffing uncontrollably

* anybody who has the same tastes today as they did 30 years ago

* anybody who has the same tastes today as they did 20 years ago

* anybody who has the same tastes today as they did 10 years ago

* anybody who has the same tastes today as they did last week

* everyone who's ever dreamt of being on Big Brother

* men with moustaches, but no beards

* women with beards, but no moustaches

* every politician incapable of passing a lie detector test

* irritating old farts who whinge incessantly about stuff they don't like